Time is Making Things Somewhat Tolerable

Okay, so now that I've had time to process this. I think I'm better.

On Thurs. I wasn't okay with it. I wasn't okay with the fact that I'm only 25 years old and that I have to lose an ovary. I was an emotional wreck. I couldn't keep my eyes clear of the tears. I had to nap. I just wasn't okay.

I'm still kind of awkward about it. I still want to cry every time I think about it. Friends, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, the Doc told me theres a slight possibility of a hysterectomy! (I think thats the part that gave me the creeps) I mean, I want to find the one I'm supposed to be with, I want to have kids with him, but this whole thing is just gonna make the whole thing that much harder.

When the doc told me my possibilities and what had to be done, I held it back. I kind of had a bad feeling about everything because I saw and new there was something wrong when I went in for my ultrasound. Once I was done with my app. I broke down. (emotionally) I know what surgery entails. I had my tonsils taken out in January. I wanted them gone because they were causing me grieve, but then again, what are tonsils good for anyhow? yes, you're taking something out thats a part of me. but my ovary?? My ovary is REALLY something thats a part of me. I need it! but it's not my ovary that I'm worried about, it's the "mass" that's attached to it, that is most likely benign, but theres a .01334989894% chance that it could be malignant. I don't want it to be that chance.

I guess what I'm getting at is, even though I doubt it's malignant, and most likely benign, I'm scared. I am SO scared! I don't want to have to go through with this. Like I said before, I'm 25 years old, and I shouldn't be going through with this. I'm so young. It's not fair. I hate being scared. I hate being so week.